Confident Black Women

Once again, we are just consumed by crippling jealousy...

It's about to get real up in here. This is not a racist post, this is a honest post. Here's the deal: Fat Girls hate Confident Black Women because they steal our prospective mates. It is a socially realized fact that there is nothing Fat Girls love more than a scrawny, 6'2" white man. MmMmMmMmMm... Pasty.

Of course, it's not just the skinny white men that we love. We love us some skinny black men too. Deeyam. We'll get down on that like a piece of strawberry/rhubarb pie. But the nice thing about this is that these itty bitty black men love us too. So it's nice and there's nothing to complain about for now.

But the fact of the matter is that skinny white men don't want us... Some of them do, don't get me wrong. But the only thing on the planet that rivals how much we love skinny white men is how much the object of our affections love confident black women.

And let's be real here, who wouldn't? They've got moves, they've got looks, they've got the style we all wish we had... They're just better. I swear to God, I wish I were a black woman at least once a week. I once saw the most beautiful African American Princess walking down the street wearing high heels and sweatpants and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. And not because she looked like a fool, like the rest of the population would have, she looked FIIIIINE. So fly, so fresh, like a delicious piece of chocolate standing strong in the sun. So of course I had to follow her three blocks just to attempt to master her swag.

Obviously not all black women are supremely confident and worthy of our envy-rich hatred, but once again... we don't hate them. We befriend them. We're in cahoots together.

But anyway, I digress...

The reason we hate them so much, beyond their ability to wear something that would make us look like a three ring circus, complete with lions and shit, is that our most desired entities in all of this enormous and delectible universe love them. And they don't love us. So we have to settle for less...

We want Poindexter and we get the left over, knockoff Paindexter. And by that I mean we die alone and our hearts burst from the pain of our loneliness and high cholesterol...

Moral of the Story: We hate Confident Black Women. Even other black women hate them. And as usual... we're just jealous.

Don't be offended by this post, Afro-dite... I'm just expressing my deep love for your kind.