Broken Escalators

You may think this is an odd irritant to start with, but let me just tell you that you're dead wrong. This is perfect. This is what inspired me to even begin writing about things that my people and I loathe.

I was out and about yesterday with a friend of mine, people watching and judging bitches relentlessly. There was one particular couple that we were watching, and let me just say that I'm pretty sure we saw the miracle of life begin. I have seen some nasty PDA, but this one was like a trainwreck. They weren't even cute! Woe is me and the rest of humanity that has the inconvenience of vision around them.

Regardless of those perverts, I wanted to see the rest of the freakshow from a clearer vantage point and decided to go up a level on a bridge for a bird's eye view.

To get on this bridge one must take an escalator. They offer stairs, but they're far and inconvenient. The people of this establishment know what's up: people (especially fat girls) don't like movement.

So I go to get on the escalator and, lo and behold, that motha' is standing still, teasing me.

Now look... If I wanted to take the damn stairs I would have gone around the building and taken them. But that's not even an option for my big ass. I had just gotten DOWN on some Mexican food and I wasn't about anything that didn't have to do with rolling around like Violet Beauregarde.

I was so pissed off I said, "Fuck it." and didn't go up. It was a moral issue as much as it was a "I'm really fucking lazy" issue.

It was a tease! I expected ease and efficiency and what I got was shit. Eventually they fixed it and I allowed myself to turn my pride away and just get on the monster. But I wasn't happy about it.

Moral of the Story: Fat girls don't like broken escalators. I mean really, why would we?